In the simple, “I’m fat” argument, it shouldn’t matter if you think she’s listening or not or if you think she believes you. She’s listening at some level or talking about it for a reason, and the reason is usually because she needs to hear you say that you think she’s beautiful the way she is. BUT, if it really is a constant argument or subject of conversation, or it really seems like an obsession, I have a lot more thoughts on the issue:

Yes, her body image is her body image, but if it’s HIGHLY distorted, maybe there’s something else going on there, like perhaps an eating disorder (which are more common than many people would like to believe). I could write a whole post on teaching men how to identify eating disorders cuz they’re generally unbelievably oblivious and delusional when it comes to it. Typically men think, “They just like to work out,” or “They’re just watching what they eat.” Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, that’s just the tip of the iceberg, especially for women who obviously have low self-esteem or are abnormally obsessed with calories in and calories out.

I think oftentimes cosmetic surgery is yet another symptom of that and doesn’t actually solve the root problem (which is why it is so addictive — it hasn’t actually changed the mentality at all). Maybe there’s cause for concern for women who clearly have very distorted body images (and/or clearly distorted bodies), and the answer is no longer a simple “argue with her” or “ignore it because the conversation won’t go anywhere anyway”. Men (and women, even) reinforce eating disorders so often and so strongly, they have no idea. And I think in general, people who have such poor body image should be in a therapist’s office before a hospital (either due to disorders or to get cosmetic surgery).

But even in general, just because it’s a dead end conversation, I don’t think men should quit fighting the fight. And the problem is not just direct issues, like saying mean things. Checking out other women, mentioning weight in general about other people, and casually mentioning “weight limits” about each other ALL play into it, and men need to cut that crap out.

I know sometimes women can be mean about physical standards as well, and it pisses me off just as much. Plus I think women’s obsession with their own body image often carries over into how she sees other people’s bodies.

I know that every woman obsessed with her body image probably won’t end up hospitalized for it and it seems like I’m talking about obvious & extreme cases, but every alcoholic isn’t going to die at 35 either. It doesn’t mean it’s not an issue that needs to be dealt with.

And then maybe some people are just shallow and materialistic and there’s nothing to cure there except character, I dunno. I’ve met some club-hopping type of people that would probably fit that category more than anything else.

End novel.

(2) I have to take exception on the idea that men should argue with their wives on cosmetic surgury. Except for extreme cases, I oppose it. But when it comes to your wife’s (or, perhaps, any woman’s body image), her body image is her body image. If you say mean things, shame on you. But if she has a bad body image NOTHING a husband says will fix it. Arguing with your wife about her body is a dead end conversation.

Again, I love Jewel’s music, simplicity, and purity. I need to get her two country albums. Haven’t bought a CE in a long, long time.

Hope you are doing well!